My apologies...

I was finally released Sunday after 18 days in the hospital. My clot and bleed seem to be stable and so I begged the doctors to release me. I told them that I understood that they were nervous but that I couldn't just stay in the hopsital forever because somethine MIGHT happen. They finally agreed. My headaches are actually starting to lessen so Im taking that as a sign that the clot is either dissolving or more likely the blood in my brain has found a new route of passage. Either is fine with me at this point. So from here we just have alot of follow up appointments. I had a blood test today and strangely enough most of my counts were normal. While I was in the hospital I had what's called an exchange transfusion. I had never had one of these before,they do these alot in patients with sickle cell Im told. I had an IV in each arm, in one arm they were removing my "bad" blood and in the other arm the donor "good" blood was going in. I received a total of 9 units of donor blood. Since having that done my counts have been pretty high, and actually staying pretty high. The procedure itself was pretty tough I about passed out and my blood pressure fell to 78/46... and I was out of it for about 12 hours afterwards... but despite that I felt great afterwards. Next week I'll have another head CT scan. So all in all Im hoping things are gradually getting back to my "normal".

In more important news... Bubba was evaluated and told that he would probably benefit from physical therapy 1 to 2 times a week. I dont know why this makes me sad, but it does. I have NO problem with the fact that he needs therapy and I have already been calling around trying to find the best of the best. But why does it bother me then? I am starting to think it's guilt induced. I was sick so he was born early...etc etc etc. He was born early because of me, because he was born early he ended up having a grade 3 intraventricular hemmorhage with PVL...both of which are linked to possible cerebral palsy diagnosis down the road. In my own mind I feel Bubba is doing great... slow at some things? Sure, but understandably so seeings as he was so early. I just cant seem to get passed the guilt that anything that may be "wrong" with him is ultimately my fault. But I guess I need to get over it because I have an incredible son who just so happens to need a little help in things right now... and at the end of the day theirs nothing wrong with that.

So therapists... how do you pick one? Id love to have one come to the house so that Bubz can be in his home environment, I think that would help him alot. Id also love to know what I can be doing with him on my own. Anyone have any ideas or helpful suggestions. Its a bit like getting a nanny or something. You want to make sure you have the best person for your child.

For over a week now B and I have been talking about how Bubba needs a new car seat already and how we cant believe it. I know the manual says up to 25 lbs and that Bubz is only 19 lbs but he's too big. Then the other day I noticed that their are adjustable holes as to bring the shoulder straps up higher. yeah... we're that new of parents. I felt horrible, no wonder he hates his carseat. Well that wasn't the 1st stupid parent mistake we've made, and I know it wont be the last. Just thought I'd share.

Hope you are all having a glorious week. Leave messages please... I'm trying to expand my blogworld friends but I seem to be failing miserably. Maybe if I stop with the horribly negative "medically" based blogs people would respond. LoL I'll try :)